lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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