I wish I could teleport
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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