Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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