Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
