Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I touched a dick in church today
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
There's even glitter on my cock...
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