Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
