It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
