I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
