i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
