Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
