just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
