She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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