I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
