I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
