Where is the hickey?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
