I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
