All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
