Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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