he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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