I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
