If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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