From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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