Your dad touched me again.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
if only i could text you this smell
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
