Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
