i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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