My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
