The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
