walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
