My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she peed on how many people?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
