I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
