hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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