I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
