I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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