Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
