True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
