my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
