I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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