I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
How's work?
Spinning.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
