I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
