at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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