Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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