Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize