it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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