My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
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What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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