Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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