Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
