So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Randomize
