I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
