the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
