Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
