I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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