they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
