he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
