I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
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