Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
