she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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