Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
