I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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