Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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