Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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