There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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