im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
