remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
